Faith, Virtue

Somewhere Along the Line

I met Peter through a friend of a friend at a party, before heading out to see some bands play at South By Southwest. I was attracted to the trifecta of cute, smart, and funny that he had going on. As we got to know each other, I was shocked to find out that a month before we met, he had run a marathon and completed a 50 mile bike race, and was about to do a triathlon. He had an average-guy build–a little bit of a beer belly–and didn’t look like an athlete; I could not fathom how he could possibly do those things.

More than my unhelpful preconceived notions of what an athlete looks like, I had sized up the end-result of all his training efforts as impossible: there is no way I could run 26.2 miles, no less swim 1/2 mile, then bike 12 miles, then run 3 miles. Just no.

I saw athleticism as haves-and-havenots (and I was a havenot). Like a light switch: it was either on or off, but no in-between.

But Peter didn’t see what I saw. He saw a training schedule. He saw daily steps along a path. He saw incremental progress building up until he could confidently complete something amazing. Peter’s way of seeing things inspired me. He was a regular guy that did a marathon and a triathlon; if he could do it, I could do it. So I did.

The following year, I completed my first Danskin Triathlon – an all-women’s series that cultivates an environment of encouragement. The swim went okay–though I’m a strong swimmer, I was ill-prepared for fifteen pairs of feet in my face. Towards the end of the 12 mile bike ride, I faced what felt like the largest hill I had ever seen. I wasn’t even halfway up, and I was ready to dismount and walk to the top. But in front of me were two plump, middle-aged women, ever-so-slowly biking up-up-up, and encouraging every single person around them. Not only were they not giving up, but they weren’t letting anyone else give up either. “You go girl! You got this!” Once their words of support and love reached me, I firmed my resolve to just keep pedaling. Tears welled as I shouted to these women “You two are amazing! Thank you! YOU GO!!” And I was off, finishing the bike and then the run.

The back of the medal that each woman receives upon crossing the finish line sums up my experience with profound truth: The woman who starts the race is not the same woman who finishes the race.

What are some of the areas in your life that you might have unhelpful preconceived notions?

Virtue

As ignorant as I was about fitness and training, I am very familiar with how damaging unhelpful preconceived notions can be in the world of religious education, particularly the haves and havenots mentality when it comes to the topic of virtue. If you google the definition of virtue, you can see why many people approach it as a light switch, either on or off, but no in-between.

Emily lamented in a Facebook post about how unhelpful this preconceived notion can be.

I don’t necessarily think Google got the definition wrong, but I do think there’s a much more helpful way of thinking about virtue.

Virtue is like a good habit that we can become better at doing. It’s less about haves and havenots and more like a muscle that gets stronger (or weaker). Developing virtue is like training for a race; it’s about practicing these good habits over the course of time. When we want to form a good habit–or break a bad habit–we take incremental steps towards a goal.

When you think of virtue, imagine a gradation or a continuum of stronger-to-weaker. See a training schedule. See daily steps along a path. See incremental progress building up until you can confidently complete something amazing. Think of saints and the lives of people who inspire you.

Recall a time when you were making a change–or trying to improve at something. What helped you practice good habits? How did you overcome bad habits?

The Virtue of Faith

Traditionally, a discussion of virtue touches upon the four cardinal virtues (prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance) and three theological virtues (faith, hope, and love). Of these seven virtues, faith seems to be the one people have the most unhelpful preconceived notions about.

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God. (Ephesians 2:8)

Too often, we misunderstand the idea that faith is a gift, and perpetuate the have-havenot or light-switch attitude.

Yes, faith is a gift: God invites us to know, love, and serve him. The gift is the invitation. Practicing the virtue of faith is our response.

Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

The virtue of faith is concerned with strengthening three areas:

Belief – the intellectual understanding of and assent to what we believe
Spirituality – the emotional trust in and relationship with God
Discipleship – living one’s faith out in life, following through with moral actions and a commitment to justice

Sometimes these three dimensions are referred to as the head (belief), heart (spirituality), and hands (discipleship).

A person can be stronger or weaker in any one of the three areas. Developing the virtue of faith means that we are called to work on strengthening each of these three areas in our lives.

At 16, Becca admitted that she was struggling with her faith. But when she began thinking of this virtue as having three areas, she saw that her life was already aligned with God’s will in many ways. Her struggles were mostly in the area of belief. Her relationship with God actually began to heal once she was able to see herself as having one of the dimensions of faith.

Consider your own practice of the virtue of faith.

For each of the three dimensions of faith, where on the continuum of stronger–weaker would you place yourself?
What is one thing you could do to work on strengthening each area?

When it comes to strengthening our practice of virtue, truly: The woman who starts the race is not the same woman who finishes the race.

Danskin Austin ’07 by Sara Robertson licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest Feb 12,2014

Conversion, Heaven and Hell

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Not to be a Pollyanna, but…

As a child, I absolutely loved the 1960’s Disney movie Pollyanna with Hayley Mills. There was something about the hope and joy that this little girl brought into the life of so many people that spoke to my heart.

It’s easily been 20 years since I’ve seen the movie, but one of the bits of dialogue that always stuck with me had to do with the message about “glad” and “sad” pieces of Scripture.

Pollyanna innocently and gently mentions to the Reverend–whose weekly sermons had been filled with fire and brimstone–how her father had noted over 800 verses in the Bible in which God tells us to rejoice or be glad or be happy. If the Lord took the trouble to tell us 800 times that he wants us to rejoice, then He must really mean it.

These days, to accuse someone of being “a Pollyanna” implies being naively optimistic. But I think she was on to something. And I think that an inordinate focus on the fire and brimstone messages of Scripture does damage to people’s faith. Whether I’m talking with an 83 year old woman on a retreat, a group of high school kids in a theology class, or a mom in her mid 30’s over a glass of wine, I find that people’s faith has been scarred by a fear of God and the threat of hell.

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Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest Jan 15,2014

Evangelization

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You Keep Using That Word

For the longest time, when I’d hear the word evangelization, I’d crinkle my nose, thinking it meant proselytizing. I knew my Church, my faith, my God “called” me to do this thing called evangelization, but really, I’d rather not. The thing is that the popes, starting with Paul VI, then JP II, then Benedict XVI, and now Pope Francis keep writing and preaching about the “new evangelization.” Not only was this “evangelization” thing not going away, each of these popes keep renewing our call to do it. (More uncomfortable shifting in my chair.)

Turns out my understanding of evangelization was off. Way off. Well kind of off.

Background

Let’s start with a better understanding of evangelization; a definition which honors the intention, style, and practice of the apostles. Evangelization is about kindling the burning desire for God in our hearts.

From the beginning, evangelization meant bringing the Good News of the Gospel to every corner of the earth. The call to do this is in Scripture (at the very end of the Gospel of Matthew), and we call it The Great Commission.

Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Mt 28:16-20)

Historically, we have limited our understanding of evangelization to the missionary work of bringing the Good News to people who have never before heard it. Which, in itself, is fine (if the ones sharing the message are, in fact, sharing what Jesus taught, how he taught it: with love; without force).

However, evangelization was never meant to be equated with the forceful, negative, judgmental practice of proselytizing. Because, as you may know, that’s not how Jesus did things.

Evangelization is about kindling the burning desire for God in our hearts. Proselytizing is focused on the surface experience of getting someone to agree with you that your religion, belief, or opinion is the right one. We are not called to proselytize. We are called to evangelize.

Renewed Understanding

Even better, the “new evangelization” that all these popes have talked about explicitly recognizes that there are actually three distinct groups in need of evangelization:

NEVER BEFORE – those who have never before heard the Good News
ONCE MORE – those who are regular, committed faithful who are in need of rekindling their passion for God. For many, the fire is there, but it wanes. For others, it’s less of a fire and more of a flame.
THIS TIME WITH FEELING – those who (for whatever reason) have left the Church and are “searching” for something… are considering coming back… are unsure… and are in need of kindling that passion, as well as direction, education, healing, etc.

Each of us falls somewhere in here. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re somewhere between #2 and #3. Think about that: Where on this continuum would you place yourself?

How

What I love most about this renewed understanding of evangelization is that there are many, many legitimate ways to evangelize.

Start with yourself. Ask yourself: What fuels my own passion for God? And then (presuming it’s life-giving and loving) do that thing. Here’s a list of ideas:

Go do service (visit the sick or elderly, help the homeless, build homes at Habitat for Humanity)
Participate in your Church (sing, read, serve, pray, adore)
Learn about your faith – see what classes or book studies you could participate in
Spend time being intentionally present to your friends, family, children, siblings, and parents. Nurture relationships.
Do the thing God called you to do–that thing that fills your heart–and praise God for joy
Go on a retreat
Spend time in nature, thanking God for the gift of Creation
What else would you add to this list

Because the funny thing about evangelization is that it’s contagious. When you tend to the fire within your own heart, your passion for God spills out into the hearts of others.

So what will you to today to kindle the fire of your passion for God?

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Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest Jan 13,2014

Divine Providence, Evil, Transformation

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Change Anything, Change Everything

My LEGO loving boys have been watching the Ninjago series on Netflix. One recent episode captured more of my attention than I would readily admit in certain social circles.

In the episode “Wrong Place, Wrong Time,” the bad guy (Lord Garmadon) wishes that the good guys (Ninjas) never existed, so he goes back in time to make it so. The Ninjas follow him, intending to save the day, but are warned by their mentor (Sensei Wu) that if they change anything, they change everything.

The episode reminded me of a conversation I had with my Grandmom in one of her last visits to my house.

“Kid, there were some difficult times in my life. I’ll tell you. 1936 was hard. Extremely hard. But let me just say this: I have no regrets. Isn’t that something? At my age [83]? No regrets.” She paused and turned to look at me, “Can you say the same for yourself? Do you have any regrets?”

I looked at her with tears in my eyes. “No. I can’t say that. I do have a huge regret. My first marriage was a huge mistake. I regret that it ever happened. I regret making that choice. With every fiber of my being, I regret that.”

Grandmom does this vice grip pinch of my upper arm with surprising strength for a feeble old lady and tells me, “I’m not saying I never made any mistakes. Kid, I made plenty of mistakes. PLENTY. Ask anyone. I’m talking REGRETS.”

“I know, Grandmom. I do. I wish it wasn’t a regret. But it is.”

“I hope one day you change your mind. I hope one day you can get to my age and say that you have no regrets. Because that’s really something.”

Grandmom died December 8, 2011, still having no regrets.

So as I sat in the dining room, sipping my tea and finishing breakfast, I hear Sensei Wu tell the Ninjas that if you change anything, you change everything. And I finally got it.

Regret and Remorse

Regret and remorse are two different things. I have sincere remorse for the series of well-intentioned, yet ill-informed decisions that led to ~~one of~~ the lowest point in my life. I am deeply sorry. The turmoil, crisis, depression… I am very sorry.

But Grandmom was talking about the kind of regret that wipes the event off the face of the earth. And as Sensei Wu said, change anything, change everything.

My husband… my boys… my friends… my community… my personal and spiritual growth… No. I don’t want to risk changing who, and what, and where I am now. So I’m making peace with how I got here.

I’m getting closer to telling Grandmom, “No. I don’t have any regrets.” And I hear her saying, “That’s good, kid. That’s great!” (Though, the imaginary vice grip hurts a lot less than the real one.)

A Caveat – on Divine Providence and Evil

As I note that I wouldn’t trade any of the goodness in my life, even to remove my deepest remorse, I feel the need to address one of my personal pet peeves. The expression “Everything happens for a reason.” I hate it.

Imagine a rape survivor hearing that. Or a Holocaust survivor.

I want to think that the sentiment people are trying to express is one of hope… but something gets lost in the translation.

Allow me to get all Catholic on you and pull out my Catechism. In the section on Divine Providence and the Scandal of Evil (See CCC, 309-314), the Catechism lays it out:

God is all good
God does not cause evil to happen
Evil happens

Then, paragraph CCC, 311 quotes St. Augustine:

For almighty God…because he is supremely good, would never allow any evil whatsoever to exist in his works if he were not so all-powerful and good as to cause good to emerge from evil itself.

So God didn’t cause the bad things to happen to you or me or anyone else. Everything happens for a reason? NO!

It’s more like: When life gives you lemons, God–as only God can do–makes the best divine lemonade you could possibly imagine.

God–and only God–can transform evil into something good. I mean look what he did with the Crucifixion. That’s some pretty good Divine Lemonade right there.

I digress.

And I hope you don’t have any regrets either. Let’s all make Grandmom proud.

Lego Ninjago spy by Kristina Alexanderson licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest Jan 11,2014

Leadership, Liturgy, Sacraments, Scripture

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That’s No Ordinary Shepherd

Think about the best teacher, leader, or boss you’ve ever worked with. Who was it? What was it that made them such a good leader? On the flip-side, think about that experience with someone who was a rather poor leader, teacher, or boss? What were the characteristics or behaviors that made it so?

A few months ago, I was preparing to teach two separate groups of people two distinct lessons: during the day, a Godly Play session on “The Good Shepherd” for 3-6 year olds at my kids’ Montessori school and later that night, a Catechism class for adults on the Sacraments. What I thought were two different lessons turned out to be an opportunity to gain a deeper insight by looking at them together.

The Good Shepherd

The Good Shepherd story from Godly Play weaves several Scripture passages into one story, primarily from Psalm 23, John 10:1-16, and the Parable of the Lost Sheep (Matthew 18:12-14, Luke 15:1-7).

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff— they comfort me. (Psalm 23:1-4)

“Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the one that is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders and rejoices. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. (Luke 15:4-7)

‘I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away—and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. The hired hand runs away because a hired hand does not care for the sheep. (John 10:11-13)

The words and materials used to tell the story of the Good Shepherd are very intentional, but not identical to the translation we may be used to hearing at Mass or reading in the Bible. Therein, they communicate the underlying truth to children in a remarkable way. The Good Shepherd loves, cares for, and leads his sheep. He protects them and looks for them when they are lost.

The storyteller explains the Good Shepherd’s relationship with his sheep, and then introduces “the ordinary shepherd” who neither knows their names nor leads them. Instead, the sheep wander and scatter. The story concludes by driving home the distinction between the Good Shepherd and the ordinary shepherd:

When the wolf comes, the ordinary shepherd runs away. But the Good Shepherd stands between the wolf and his sheep–and even gives his life for his sheep–so the sheep can go safely home.

When the children–ages 3-6–first began discussing the story, I noticed that they kept talking about the Good Shepherd and the bad shepherd. Had I been listening alongside, I may have made the same mistake.

But that’s the thing: the “wolf” is the bad guy in the story. It is the ordinary shepherd that Jesus distinguishes himself from.

Sacraments

Later that night I taught my Catechism for Adults class, covering the chapter on Liturgy which sets the stage for talking about Sacraments; after all, every Sacrament occurs within a liturgy. It is not just the gestures and substance which make for the Sacrament; it is also the prayers we say and the Word of God we read in Scripture that makes it a real gift of God’s grace.

The word liturgy comes from a Greek term meaning “public work or work done on behalf of the people.” Liturgy always referred to an organized community. A work, then, done by an individual or a group was a liturgy on behalf of the larger community. All the worshipers are expected to participate actively in each liturgy, for this is holy “work,” not entertainment or a spectator event. Every liturgical celebration is an action of Christ the High Priest and of his Mystical Body, which is the Church. It therefore requires the participation of the People of God in the work of God.

United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) (2012-04-02). United States Catholic Catechism for Adults (Kindle Locations 2570-2574). United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). Kindle Edition.

When it comes to celebrating the Sacraments, one of the most basic questions that we need to answer is Who celebrates the liturgy. Unfortunately, we usually get the answer wrong by saying “the priest.” Who celebrates the liturgy? We all do. The entire Body of Christ.

Liturgy is not private prayer, but public, requiring “full, conscious and active participation” of all faithful (CCC 1141, SC 14).

The idea that all of us are expected to participate actively in each liturgy, and that this is holy “work,” not entertainment or a spectator event is a vital understanding to bring to any study of both the Liturgy and the Sacraments.

Too often, we approach Mass as a spectator sport. And it’s not.

We judge the value of the liturgy by the quality of the homily and/or the music. And we miss the point.

Moreover, when we translate that “spectator sport” mentality into the Sacraments, we set ourselves up to treat Sacramental grace like some sort of magic to befall instead of the gift of God’s grace that they are.

A lot of these attitudes have to do with our expectations of leadership.

Leadership

Recall the questions above: think about the experiences you have had throughout your life with leaders: teachers, bosses, managers, and the like. Think about the characteristics and qualities of good leaders. Good leaders…

Take the time, effort, and energy to teach and empower people
Encourage creativity
Appreciate individual strengths
Facilitate growth
Allow people to make mistakes and learn from them
Practice good communication skills, both in expressing themselves and in understanding others
Care about their people
Value responsibility, honesty, integrity, and hard work
Offer assistance when needed
Create atmospheres of mutual respect
Approaches leadership as form of service [servant-leader]
Has a big-picture sense of mission and vision
Can you add to this list?

On the flip side, we find it easy to complain about “poor” leaders:

Micro-manage every aspect of people’s work
Overly strict
Diminish freedom and creativity
Make people feel small and insignificant – like a replaceable cog in the wheel
Control others through fear or manipulation
Non-communicative
Self-centered, arrogant, and egotistical
Narrow-Minded
Can you add to this list?

Notice this list describes the “poor” leader. Not the “bad” leaders with malicious intent or “evil” dictators.

Take it to the next step. Recall the description of the Good Shepherd; see how the list of characteristics of the Good Leader help flesh out the way in which Jesus as the Good Shepherd leads us.

Now look at the description of the poor leader and notice how it reflects the ordinary shepherd.

The Connection

When it comes to our understanding of Liturgy and Sacraments, it is very important that we check in with our expectations: Do we expect the priest to micromanage our experience of Liturgy and Sacraments, making it happen for us? Or do we enter into the experience of Liturgy and Sacraments expecting the leadership of the Good Shepherd who empowers us to participate in receiving God’s grace?

The Sacraments are not magical things that happen to us.

One way to think about the empowering leadership of the Good Shepherd is to think of the Sacraments with what’s been called a bumper-sticker theology:

Without us, God won’t.
Without God, we can’t.
Without us, God won’t

Jesus is the Good Shepherd. He does not micromanage our experience of faith. He invites us to participate with him in the transforming power of God’s grace.

Without God, we can’t. We need God’s grace. We cannot do it without God’s help.

The Good Shepherd wants to lead you. But to really make it work, you’ve got to want it too.

sheep panorama by Arend licensed under CC BY 2.0

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Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest Jan 10,2014

Author Archives: Julie Dienno-Demarest

Somewhere Along the Line

Virtue

The Virtue of Faith

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Not to be a Pollyanna, but…

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You Keep Using That Word

Background

Renewed Understanding

How

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Change Anything, Change Everything

Regret and Remorse

A Caveat – on Divine Providence and Evil

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That’s No Ordinary Shepherd

The Good Shepherd

Sacraments

Leadership

The Connection

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